Two Crazy 'Mos

So, I've taken a turn for full-fledged insanity.

Approximately five months ago, a very attractive young man named Alex decided to friend request me on Myspace. When I saw his user picture, I almost fell off of my chair. He was disarmingly cute, and I momentarily thought, "My God, I hope he lives in San Jose." I clicked on the link to his profile and was disappointed to find that he lives in Arizona. Nevertheless, I decided to build a bridge between us and started pen-paling. I found him to be a truly compassionate, articulate, intelligent person. Our e-mails grew lengthy, but always remained quite formal, like we were trying to retain the pristine first impressions we had already made. We even began having conversations on the phone, his voice as pleasant as his demeanor.

I'll admit, I became pretty enamored with him. It was foolish of me, obviously, because there are thousands of miles between us. But he seemed to be responding really well to me, and, from everything I could tell, he was equally crushin' on me. But, being as rationally-minded as we both are, we never paid mind to our romantic feelings. Eventually, he got into a relationship and our e-mails became less and less frequent, and our phone conversations completely phased out. I was busy working and going to school, and eventually our communication came to a standstill. I grew to miss his long e-mails and amusing anecdotes, and left a comment on his page demanding an update on his life. He responded not too long after, and told me about work and life and his relationship. Things weren't so hot with his boyfriend, and the breakup was on the horizon. It wasn't a question of if, but a question of when.

Suddenly, after that e-mail, we began corresponding regularly. Our e-mails began growing longer, once again, and we started saying things differently. All of a sudden, we were admitting that we thought of one another frequently, that we pseudo-stalked one another on Myspace to see if there was anything new happening or any new pictures. One tipsy night, I responded to an e-mail and found the courage to peel the formalities away - I told him that if I saw him walking down the street, I would follow him until he was mine. He is the package deal. Consequently, our walls crumbled. He started saying that he'd completely give in, that there's still a rush of excitement whenever he receives an e-mail from me. We started resenting the miles between us, but looking forward to his move to San Francisco in '07. I was hoping it was worth the wait, and he said to just have a little faith. I said I'd be willing if he is, and he said...as long as it takes. I swore that if I could, I'd be there tomorrow. But, that's an impossibility. He's in Tempe, I'm in San Jose.

Five days ago, I was perusing on Southwest.com, you know, randomly. It just so happened that the discounted rate city of the week was Phoenix, Arizona. The price was right and the time frame worked, and Phoenix is a mere twenty minutes from Tempe. I consulted with Alex, made sure I didn't come off like some crazy-ass obsessed psycho...and bought myself a round-trip to Arizona in February.

I've never done anything like this before. Ever. In fact, I've often thought people slightly crazy for schlepping across states to meet some internet fling. But, you know what? He makes me feel damn good. He's given me goosebumps through text messages, for Christ's sake. Sometimes he'll tell me something, and my hearts swells so much it feels like it can't even fit in my chest. If this is how I feel when he tells me these things through an e-mail, I can't imagine what it'll be like to actually meet him face to face.

I'm sure I'll trip and bust open my chin and our four days together will be spent in the hospital.

Wish me luck.